Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
