I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
