I wanna bring you to show and tell
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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