Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
