I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
