I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
