i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
