This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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