I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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