I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
