Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
