I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we have officially lost it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
