Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
