I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
