my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
