this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I miss vodka workout Fridays
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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