I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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