I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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