im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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