My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
