Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
