He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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