..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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