let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
