remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
