I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
