I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
