We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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