umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
