When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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