his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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