The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
