Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
