Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
