My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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