You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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