actually, I'm a sock model
thus making me awesome and them whores
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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