I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
