Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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