Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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