3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
