I can tuck mytits in my pants
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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