Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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