So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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