I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
