He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
