So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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