I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
