i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
