just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
