walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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