GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
