I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
