is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
