You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
