It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
