I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Randomize
