My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
