Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
